About me

The eldest of three children, I grew up in the eastern part of the island where everyone spoke Teochew so I grew up thinking everyone in Singapore spoke the same dialect until I went to junior college. Although I am not Teochew, there is a sense of identity when communicating with friends and colleagues who speak Teochew because that is my mother tongue and that is the language that identifies me as a Chinese. It's funny how Singaporeans equate being Chinese with the ability to speak Mandarin. Because my second language is Malay and I can speak only a smattering of simple Mandarin, some of my former students have labelled me a "yellow banana" (actually the adjective "yellow" is redundant, is it not? I guess it was meant to emphasise the colour of my skin). Anyway, according to their Chinese teacher I'm yellow on the outside but white on the inside because I cannot speak Mandarin. It was as if I was a traitor to my race. I once asked them how many of their grandmothers spoke Mandarin. Only a few hands were raised. I asked if the rest considered their grandmothers Chinese despite not understanding Mandarin or using it. The reply was the affirmative. I told them I rested my case.

What many Singaporeans do not know is that many Chinese in China do not speak Mandarin. The Straits Times on December 29, 2004, reported that nearly half of China's population can't speak Mandarin or putonghua, according to a six-year survey on the use of the country's official language. This is despite five decades of effort by the Communist government to promote the use of Mandarin. The findings revealed that only a mere 18% of the respondents use Mandarin at home while 42 per cent speak it at school, work and play. Mandarin may be widely used in public activities but local dialects were more common among family members and friends. To me, Teochew is the key to my culture, not Mandarin, but because of the overwhelming success of the Speak Mandarin campaign, many Singaporeans have equated ethnicity with the use of only one and one Chinese language, Mandarin. If Mr Lee Kuan Yew had decided on another Chinese language as the official language way back then as the second language in school, we would all be speaking another Chinese dialect today.


I went to an all-girls' school for ten wonderful years which were spent playing rounders (a simplified game of softball), queueing up on Fridays for mee-goreng (sometimes we would bring along our own eggs), sharing food and soup (imagine three to four girls slurping from the same soup bowl!) and speaking in F-language. Before you think it's the f-word and that we were spewing vulgarities then, it's not; it's replacing each word with an F sound in the initial position and pronouncing each word twice; once the English word and the next, the F-sounding word. I never could do it although some of my friends mastered it. The F-language was thus the medium of communication for a tightly-knit group of girls to share secrets and gossip about friends and foe alike. Similarly today, the language used in sms-es, emails, etc. by teenagers is sometimes understood only by close friends and those within their group.

Life for me from about the age of twelve years till junior college revolved round school, table-tennis and home. Social life for me then was practically non-existent because my father wanted me to chase his dreams of winning trophies in table-tennis. So, Saturday afternoons were spent at the Civil Service Club hall in Tessensohn Road training with my father and brother. I also had to attend training sessions elsewhere at least three nights a week (more if there were tournaments round the corner). Spending time out with friends was also not allowed because my parents felt I was too young to be going out on a date even when I turned 19! I remember vividly an incident when a boy who had asked me out to a movie was left waiting at the cinema because my father refused to let me out of the house. It was only when I entered university that the reins loosened and I was able to assert some of my rights as a young adult. Fortunately for me too, my father's attention had been diverted to my younger sister, a table-tennis prodigy then and who went on to win the SEA Games individual gold medal in 1985, a feat we are still very proud of today.


Although I had a strict upbringing, I am grateful for the discipline instilled by my parents for it has made me what I am today. Being the eldest and the first girl in the family meant doing housework and being responsible for my younger siblings. I remember having to feed, bathe and even discipline my younger sister who is eight years younger. Does birth order determine your personality? I firmly believe so. Those lower in the birth order are given more leeway to experiment, to be free, to do what they want, unrestricted by impositions from their parents. Their older siblings on the other hand, have been drilled from young by their parents to be "responsible". According to Sulloway, author of "Born to rebel", younger siblings are more inclined to try experimental, sometimes dangerous things. Sulloway points out that leaders of revolutions — Thomas Jefferson, Karl Marx and Fidel Castro — were rebellious younger brothers. He says older brothers are often more conservative — former Presidents Carter and Clinton and their younger brothers, Billy and Roger. Billy Carter had a beer-making business, and Roger Clinton tried a singing career — far cries from presidential politics. Of course, there are those like Dalton Conley, author of "The Pecking Order," another book on the effects of birth order, who says, "birth order makes about as much sense as astrology, which is almost none." What do you think?

Single sex schools vs co-ed schools

I studied in an all-girls' school for ten years and those ten years were some of the best years of my life for that was when I found God and when I forged friendships that have lasted till today.
Those were the reasons why I sent my girl to my alma mater which is located 7 km away despite the fact that she could have gotten into a highly popular SAP primary school whose fences literally touched my backyard. As my sons had studied in the SAP school, she automatically qualified to be in the same school. So, imagine the horror on the faces of friends when I told them I had enrolled her in my alma mater instead of the SAP school where parents had to undergo balloting to get their children in every year. Why the decision to send my school to my alma mater? This begs the question: Is a single-sex school better than a co-educational school?

What are the advantages of a single-sex school? How is it that the majority of the top secondary schools in Singapore are usually either all-boys or all-girls schools? Is there a correlation between single-sex schools and better academic attainment? On the flip side, does being in a single-sex school reduce a teenager's opportunities for healthy social interaction with the opposite sex, thus affecting his/her social development?





============================================================================

I've Learned...

I've learned
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is
be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I've learned -
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.

I've learned -
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned -
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned -
that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned -
that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do
but to the best you can do.

I've learned -
that it's not what happens to people
that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned -
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned -
that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.

I've learned -
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I've learned -
that it's a lot easier
to react than it is to think.

I've learned -
that you should always leave
loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned -
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've learned -
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've learned -
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I've learned -
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be
something else to take its place.

I've learned -
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned -
that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned -
that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned -
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned -
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned -
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned -
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.

I've learned -
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I've learned -
that just because someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned -
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned _
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and
what a tragedy it would be
if they believed it.

I've learned -
that your family won't always
be there for you. It may seem funny,
but people you aren't related to
can take care of you and love you
and teach you to trust people again.
Families aren't biological.

I've learned -
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you
every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned -
that it isn't always enough
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself.

I've learned -
that no matter how bad
your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned -
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned -
that sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides
even when I don't want to.

I've learned -
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned -
that sometimes you have to put
the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned -
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I've learned -
that you shouldn't be so
eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I've learned -
that two people can look
at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.

I've learned -
that no matter how you try to protect
your children, they will eventually get hurt
and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned -
that there are many ways of falling
and staying in love.

I've learned -
that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves
get farther in life.

I've learned -
that no matter how many friends you have,
if you are their pillar you will feel lonely
and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned -
that your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.

I've learned -
that even when you think
you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I've learned -
that writing, as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.

I've learned -
that the paradigm we live in
is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned -
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned -
that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.

I've learned -
that although the word "love"
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.

I've learned -
that it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice and
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe.

copyrights to: Kathy Kane Hansen

What have I learned?

I've learned -
that
1 + 1 = 3

I've learned -
that ATTITUDE
is everything

I've learned -
that EDUCATION
is not who reaches
the finishing line the fastest
It is who stays in it the longest.

Nature or nurture?

I have taught English to MOE scholars from China since 1998 and I have always been fascinated by how fast their minds work. Even though English is their second language (many of them claim it is more like a foreign language), it is amazing how after a few months into the bridging programme here in Singapore they can role play, act, sing and even debate fiercely in English over topics such as euthanasia and capital punishment. One might argue of course that all that is needed is memory work whether it be to sing a song, to role play and even to remember points/facts during a debate. But to be able to rebut the opponent's points clearly in a free debate and in a language not native to them surely requires more than just rote memory. It demands the ability to think quickly and logically and to analyse the weaknesses in the argument presented by the opposing team. This is especially so in a debate format where there is free debate.

I have always wondered, did they get where they are today because they were born smart or were they nurtured from young? Is intelligence nurtured or is it a God-given gift?

Although I believe that intelligence can be nurtured, I think genetics plays a large part in determining how we turn out mentally and of course, physically and physiologically. My three children are a case in point. Despite having the same set of parents and more or less the same exposure to the English language, Maths, Science, etc., all three, especially the first two, have quite vastly different mental abilities. Why the difference? To me, the answer lies in the genes. The "Maths" genes that my elder son inherited from his father is the reason why even at about
five to six years of age he was able to multiply numbers easily because he understood the concept of multiplication and did not have to memorise the times table, something my second son grappled with at Primary Two. Of course you would have guessed by now whose "Maths" genes my second son inherited. I'm also very sure my elder son's tremendous memory power came from his father who in turn must have gotten it from his mother who has an elephant's memory. She can remember the birthdays of every member of her family and my family (including my parents and siblings) as well as the wedding anniversaries of her children and my siblings. This is in addition to the dates she is able to provide for mundane and trivial events such as when a particular set of tupperware/cutlery/washing machine...(the list goes on) was bought. Was she taught memory skills such as mnemonics or the use of "hooks' which educational experts advocate in their effort to help our children remember better? I doubt so. It's not just her memory power that amazes me; I've always marvelled at the speed at which she is able to understand new ideas, concepts, etc. despite her age. I believe she would have excelled academically had she been given the opportunity to attend school. Unfortunately for her, schooling then was a privilege reserved only for boys.

What I'm hoping to bring across here is that many times Singapore parents are so caught up in the rat race that they fail to understand that children are endowed with different gifts, talents and abilities and that is the reason why we often hear remarks such as "Why you so stupid? Such a simple question also cannot do!" or why I once witnessed a father slapping his son in the swimming pool because he was revising schoolwork (yes, in the swimming pool!) with his son but the poor boy could not answer his question.

Having two sons who are so different in their mental and language abilities, I realised when my second son was about four (his brother was six plus then) that he could not do many of the things which the elder could. For example, I tried to teach him how to pronounce words phonetically (thinking that since his brother could do breeze through it at three, he shouldn't have a problem at four) but it simply made no sense to him. Neither could he do simple subtraction at Primary Two. I remember him coming home one day with all his ten subtraction sums wrong. I sat him
down and tried to explain to him how it worked but the minute I made the sum a little more difficult like 83 - 36, he was lost. Even after explaining how he had to borrow units from the tens if there were not enough units to subtract a number, he could not get the answers right consistently. I would like to reiterate that I'm not saying intelligence is solely determined by our genes and therefore nurture or our life experience has no part to play. Of course with nurture, children can and do improve or else why would we send our children to school or for tuition and all other types of enhancement or remedial classes?

In fact, according to Reuven Feuerstein, the Jewish psychologist who came up with the theory of Structural Cognitive Modifiability, human intelligence is viewed as the propensity of the individual to modify itself in order to adapt to changes in the conditions of the stimuli and its particular needs. However, such modification on the part of the individual requires an intervention programme that lasts at least 300 hours over a period of two to three years. Although there have been numerous studies that lend support to the validity and effectiveness of such intervention programmes, there have been other studies that have not been conclusive.

This leads me back to my point that intelligence is still very much predetermined at birth. One who is not so academically endowed may have to work extremely hard to attain a certain level of proficiency or excellence compared to another who is able to complete the task effortlessly and with ease because the latter has inherited the gene that enabled him to process information quickly and logically. As teachers we know who are the hardworking ones in a class and who are inherently smart. The latter are able to understand and grasp concepts after one explanation; the former need two or more explanations and examples before you see the glint in their eyes.

As parents, we should recognise that every child is different. What we can do is to encourage them to do their best. Of course as parents, we should know how far they can be pushed and what their best means. My husband and I have never asked my second son why he could not produce the same academic results his brother produced. We know he is born with different abilities and talents. We constantly remind our two boys that God has given them different gifts and no one is necessarily superior to the other. My second son plays table-tennis and is in the national training team. To me, he has been endowed with intelligence of a different kind- kinesthetic intelligence. Unfortunately in rat-race Singapore, paper qualifications are of utmost importance in securing a place in the university or clinching that much-coveted award/scholarship unlike in some other countries where sportsmen are held in high esteem and scholarships abound for many with sporting abilities.

S. Korea, 2007

In December 2007, my family (without my two sons) and my sister's family decided to go on a holiday together. It was a special trip for a number of reasons. Firstly, it was my second visit to Korea after 31 years. My first visit was during my teen years when I was there on a Combined Schools table-tennis training programme that lasted about three weeks. Why the long gap between the two visits despite the fact that Korea as a holiday destination has been and continues to be a favourite amongst Singaporeans? I guess it boils down to language.

Since I got married, my holiday destinations have been determined by how easily my husband and I are able to communicate with the people whose lands we would be visiting. For example, because of my inability to speak Mandarin, I refused to visit China a second time(the first was in 1979 for a series of friendly matches after competing in the 39th World Table-tennis Championships in Pyongyang) until my second son was given the opportunity to attend a month-long table-tennis training programme in Shanghai in 2002. So, why did we decide on Korea for our holiday?

One main reason was my daughter wanted a skiing holiday after having done some skiing in Australia in 2005. The other reason was the attractive cost of the holiday package which was a great incentive. So, even though I was told that the tour guide would be Mandarin-speaking, I decided that communication was not that great a problem after all. One could always read up about the tourist sites before the trip itself.

Secondly, it was the first time my sister's family and my family decided to go on a holiday together. We also took our mother along, knowing there would not be many other opportunities to bring her on future trips as she tired easily and was losing her memory - she gas Alzheimer's disease. Here's an insight into how Alzheimer's had affected her memory. We had just landed in Incheon International Airport and were having dinner in the cafe at the airport when my mother asked if we had just gotten off the bus and were on our way to Genting Highlands! Likewise, after landing in Hong Kong (our trip included a stopover there), she had no memory at all of having been in Korea the past week.

Thirdly, the Korean experience was our first holiday without my two boys. My elder son had just finished his national service stint and was taking a break at home. Being a homebody, he refused to come along, preferring to fight a virtual war in cyber space or as he claimed, he had a very important role to "defend the ancients". My second son on the other hand, had won a lucky draw ticket to watch the SEA games in Korat during the same period we were in Korea. Anyway, he had already gone to Korea in July, having taken part in the Asian Junior Table-tennis Championships and was not interested in going a second time. So, we had our girl all to ourselves.




Another reason why the trip was special is that ever since we came back from Korea, we have developed a special appetite for Korean food. My husband now actively seeks out the Korean stall and seldom fails to order a beef bulgogi rice set whenever we set foot in a food court.

The trip also got me (and I believe my husband as well) hooked on the Korean drama serial, "Da Changjin", a serial about the palace intrigues of the Korean royal kitchen. During the coach journey, our tour guide would play an episode or two from her abridged version of the serial. This helped greatly to reduce the monotony of the ride from one city to the next on our itinerary. Five months after the trip, my husband stumbled upon an episode that was playing on Channel U. By that time the serial was about half-way through the storyline but because we had watched the whole shortened version of it, I was still able to follow from that episode on. That was how I received my daily one-hour dose of "Jewel of the Palace" as it was titled, five days a week, for about two months. On days when I could not rush back in time to watch it, of course I had it taped. However, it got to a point where taping the serial was too much of a hassle as I had to remember to remind my helper at home to tape it. So, that was when I decided it was time to buy the complete set of DVDS (10 in all). In fact I got the whole set for a steal! Watching the serial also allowed my daughter and I "to bond" (as my daughter claimed, but it was actually an excuse either not to sleep early or to get away from finishing her holiday homework), during the marathon viewing sessions which lasted about four hours at a stretch, every few days.



Lastly, the trip was an eye-opener for my daughter and her cousins who were introduced to a new culture where girls and women alike were not ashamed of their bodies but were very comfortable walking about in their birthday suits. They would walk from the shower areas to their lockers in the ladies' changing room and changed in the open area around the lockers. The rest of us, non-Koreans and non-Japanese, meanwhile desperately and self-consciously tried very hard to change from our dripping-wet swimsuits into our clothes without having to reveal an extra inch of flesh more than we should as there was only one makeshift changing room with a door; the rest of the cubicles were doorless.

Having gone on many free and easy holidays, I must say this package tour was an enjoyable trip, one that was worth the money we paid for it. My two main grouses were firstly, that there was insufficient time to shop at the famous shopping malls I had heard so much about and secondly, the tour guide was not familiar with the ski slopes we visited, thus causing us to waste precious time at the top of the mountain instead of spending time skiing at the bottom of the slope. Well, hopefully, things will turn out better the next time we visit S. Korea if we should do it again.

Getting started

Well, I finally decided I had to start moving and set up my blog today. After a few hiccups which were caused by my own carelessness in reading the instructions, I'm finally here. For those of you who are like me and have never blogged till now, rest assured that if I can do this at my age, you can too!

Yes, for those of us who are not naturally adventurous, it's as if we're venturing into a new world, opening ourselves to our tutorial mates and strangers. An exciting yet scary thought.